Wisdom Teeth
by ClassyMuse
Summary: Dick gets his wisdom teeth taken out. One-shot


Richard Grayson was going to hate everything about the next week or so. Nightwing was going to out of commission for a short time. No, he wasn't injured, he only wished it was that simple. Dick dreaded the drive to Gotham, but there was no one in the profession he needed in Bludhaven, which was really hard to believe. In the end he knew it was the only practical thing to do since he was alone in the city. At least he was happy about how fast the initial process was going.

It seemed like yesterday he felt that annoying dull pain in his jaws. For the first week he just assumed it was from the sucker punch he got on the streets during patrol. He had to think of some crazy booze related story to tell the guys at the precinct. When the bruising and swelling went down he started to get worried. Eating, one of his favorite activities, became a bother. He knew it wasn't a cavity since he was rather diligent about his flossing, but something was wrong. But boy did Dick regret picking up that phone to make an appointment at the dentist. He hoped against hope it wasn't what he thought it was.

The good doctor showed him his x-rays and Dick Grayson knew he immediately what he was looking at.

Wisedom teeth. All four were coming in but in different angles. Surgical removal was the way to go.

The dentist was nice enough to set him up with a consultation the following day in Gotham with his preferred ortho-surgeon. Dick took the slip of paper that served as his referral and went home trying to think of what to do next.

He picked up his phone and called the manor. Alfred picked up and was surprised by the call. "Oh hello Master Dick. It has been a while since you called. Something isn't wrong is it?"

Why was Dick dancing around the subject? It was just teeth for god's sake! "Well for me it is, Alfred. But I don't think it is cause for any alarm." He feigned any kind of humor he tried to make. "Actually, I'm going to be in town tomorrow and I kind of need a place to stay."

"You are most welcome here at any time you wish Master Dick. A phone call isn't even necessary. Something seems to be troubling you?"

Damn did Alfred have a way of just knowing things. It was like he was psychic. "Well, actually I might need a place to stay in Gotham for a week or so."

"Whatever for, lad? You didn't get injured and need to be looked after do you?"

"No injury, but I will need to be looked after from what I understand."

"Spit it out lad."

"I have a consultation tomorrow for wisedom teeth extraction. Surgery will be the next morning."

"Oh why didn't just come out and say it. I will tell Master Bruce and I will see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah I should be there in the early morning after I meet with the guy who is going to be ripping my mouth apart."

"There is nothing to be worried about Master Dick. I remember quite fondly when Master Wayne had his wisedom teeth taken out when he was about your age. Times have changed though so you will be just fine."

He hung up just like that.

/ / / / /

The consultation was just a blur. Dick only filtered what he thought was important to know. Be there by eight in the morning. No food or water until then. IV sedation. Pain killers to go home with. Discomfort. Do this, do that. Have someone drive you home. A week or so to totally recover. He left feeling worse that he came in.

What was more disturbing was entering the manor and there was no smell of freshly baked or cooked of anything; Further evidence that Alfred Pennyworth was a psychic.

Thankfully it was close to normal in the manor. Quiet as always, Bruce in the cave, Alfred doing Alfred things. Dick walked down to the cave to make some small talk, just to see what Gotham was up to while he was away cleaning up Bludhaven. Bruce shook his head at some of the questions Dick asked. He could tell Dick was trying to see if he can do something while he was back under his roof. "Dick, even if you had a quick recovery from your procedure I am not going to sanction any extracurricular activities. I don't think you really grasp what is going on." Bruce's tone was odd to Dick. It wasn't the stern commands, it was lighthearted and practical. The world was ending in his mind now. "Did you even pay attention to what your surgeon said?"

Dick shrugged, "They go in, take all four of them out. I'm out for a few days and then I have puffy cheeks. So?"

"It's a pretty basic procedure but you can't mess around with the aftermath. You're acting like it's the end of the world to get teeth pulled out." Dick wasn't thrilled. He had done his research. He didn't think he would ever get pulled down from his usual routine by something so mundane, almost a rite of passage for some.

Bruce sighed, "I had mine taken out and it was anything but a pleasant experience after the drugs wore off. You can ask Alfred, I'm sure he has stories. I know what you are like on painkillers. What we give you in light in comparison from all your injuries in the past. I know you Dick, trust me on this one."

/ / / /

Dick did not remember anything of the day other than getting in a car with Bruce and Alfred. Bruce tried really hard not to laugh at the sight of his former ward in recovery, gauze stuffed into his cheeks and the glazed look in his face. Dick Grayson was stoned out of his mind. For the first few minutes after the pain killers were administered Dick just laid there and let his eyes wander. Bruce made a point to record these little moments on his iPhone and keep them for himself. He figured they would make for some playful blackmail in the future.

As soon as he pressed record the real fun began. Bruce Wayne knew this was wrong but he couldn't help himself. He had seen Dick loopey in the past but this was a real humdinger.

"You feeling okay Dick?"

His ward swung his head over and blankly stared at him for a few minutes.

"Dick, you don't have anything to say?"

Dick slowly opened his mouth, ""I feel like a unicorn just took me on a ride to a magical palace, to the land of the blueberries. And we eat onions all day...mushrooms... sometimes if were lucky we get papaya." He stares at his hands and continued talking. "He flies me around and I hang on to the unicorn, and we float away to the land of the ease... and we float float float..." Out of nowhere does Dick start to sing, "We're no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I. A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand…."

Bruce Wayne nearly lost it at every word. Dick got really quiet and started to stare at him. Bruce momentarily contained his laughter and asked, "Are you okay?"

Dick squinted his eyes trying to look serious, "Are _**you**_okay?"

By the time they got out to the car Alfred was waiting, also trying to be as serious as possible. It was just too funny. The real fun began once they hit the highway back to the manor. The recording continued.

Dick was never quiet when he was normal, but when he was stoned words came out like vomit.

"I'm seeing some double vision over here, I'm like a fucking superhero!"

"Oh my god, I'm sooo thirsty. Bruce, Bruce, Bruce when are we getting water?" "When we get to the manor you can." "Yay!"

"Why is my whole face numb? I don't think I can talk." "Oh Dick you can talk, now be quiet. Don't touch your face!"

"That was fast, like motherfuckin' Clark Kent. I bet he isn't really a journalist, he's just pulling your leg. HAAAA HE FOOLED THE GODDAMN BATMAN!"

"Woah there is a pony!" "That wasn't a pony, Dick." "I'm telling you that was a pony! No, wait! It was the unicorn from before! Isn't it pretty." Bruce didn't want to say it was just a fat man in a white car with a canoe strapped to the roof.

While rubbing his cheeks, "Damn I'm gonna look like a squirrel. I can't take Kori on a date like this." "You're not dating Kori." "Barbara?" "Last I checked you were still with Barbara." "Where is she?" "She is also back at the manor." "I don't want her to see me like this!" Too bad, Bruce thought. He had already called Wally West and Roy Harper to drop by.

Then the emotional rollercoaster began as soon as the car pulled up to the front steps of the manor where Wally, Roy and Barbara were waiting. Dick pressed his head up against the window, "Why are they here?"

"Because they wanted to see you, Dick. They haven't seen you much since you moved to Bludhaven."

Dick began to cry. "I don't want them to see me like this! I'm weak!"

"No no no, Dick, you're just drugged. You're fine."

"They think I'm a loser."

Roy and Wally opened the car door and held in the impending laughter as much as they could. They offered to carry their friend to his room, limp and crying the whole way. Once they reached his room the crying ceased and Dick got chatty again. "Hey you guys are here! You know what we should do because we don't, we should sing!" Barbara who was following behind with Bruce's iPhone rolled her eyes.

"I just want to say I'm sorry to you Roy," Dick mumbled. "No one should walk around with ugly yellow hat and fake feather. It is sooo tacky…and Wally, I'm sorry but Barry's cooking isn't that great. It is no wonder you are hungry all the time. Being a speedster isn't an excuse, WE ALL KNOW THE TRUTH!" He focused he head and stared into the iPhone that Barbara was trying to hold steady whilst she laughed. "I am soo sorry Barbara that you have no soul since you are a ginger! Actually, all three of you have no souls. Wow. Mind Blown! Oh yeah! We gotta sing guys!" He began to hum a few unidentifiable things as they layed him down in his bed. Once his head hit the pillow did he use real words. "Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me, I think they're O.K. If they don't give me proper credit I just walk away. They can beg and they can plead but they can't see the light, that's right. 'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mister Right, 'cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl! You know that we are living in a material world and I am a material girl….Why is no one singing with me."

Wally chuckled, "Because you are doing such a good job by yourself."

Dick smiled and closed his eyes, "I just gotta sing my Madonna. She's just so madge!"

_**I just found out over break that my brother and I will be getting our wisedom teeth out together over spring break. I drew some of the pain killer reactions from the internet and my own from my many emergency room visits during marching season that my boyfriends and our friends have recorded of me. I like to sing Madonna and rick roll the whole damn place hahaha. I might continue this, but I need some ideas. Hit me with some reviews my lovelies!**_


End file.
